Monday, May 7, 2012

NASCAR Twitter Inanimate Objects Preview- Darlington

In an unusual move and rare retweet this week, @jeff_gluck gave a shout out to an Object, @NASCAR_EFIfor one of his MANY videos. Thanks Jeff!

Giving a shout out this week to Darlington's @NASCAROuterWall. He's getting pretty excited to hear his name mentioned on TV and has a nice coat of new paint. He's even more excited to get more attention and upstage his pal @InfieldGrass. On a more somber note, Danica said she is definitely not looking forward to getting up real close and kissing the Wall. Sorry, Wally!

@DebriInTurn4 will be a little delayed getting to Darlington. He says he was on hand trying to wreak havoc on the tire test at New Hampshire this week. The weather turned nasty, so Goodyear brought out their NEW "Goodyear Mallard" rain tire for teams to work with. Deb had nothing to work with and got so mad all he could do was scuff up the Teal Blue lettering on the new tires with mud. Editor's note: Mallard is a species of duck, and NASCAR never tests in the rain. Nice try Deb!

@TheNascarGarage says security will be high this weekend. Officers have been told to be on the lookout for surveyors and engineers from Figure Eight Construction who may be trying to draw up plans to modify the Garage. No need to worry G, that figure 8 thing is just another rumor started by Mr Facetious, Tony Stewart.

 @CMS_Watertower says he is so bloated getting ready for the All Star deal that he nearly wet himself. Tower also says his family is fully stocked for all races this year and says cars and teams dont need to worry about pushing water. TeamTower says, "Let off a little steam and relax, we got your back".  Pretty sure the Team meant right side.

@TheCatchFence made a bold statement this week on the Twitter. He stated "NASCAR is a man's sport". He quickly stated he was only referring to the competitors, but one part time female driver quickly shot right back, " Oh, dont get your chain link panties all in a wad, SISSY".  Well, we're all friends on Twitter, let's see how this plays out on track this weekend. 

@TheMiniChad must really be upset with Maxi Chad about being let go by HMS. Mini didnt even make the trip to Dega, and this week he is turning his attention to Indy Car down in Texas of all things. Worst of all on Saturday, Mini kept mumbling "I'll have Another" over and over. Not sure if he was drinking heavily or bet on the wrong Derby horse.

@TheNASCARHauler is getting all gussied up for a big meeting Friday with a special guest, @DanicaPatrick. Hearing Hauler even sprayed quite a bit of his favorite cologne, Wrench-Eze, in his confines to give himself that new hauler smell. Quote from Hauler: "Here's a lady in black I can hardly wait to meet".

@FlagofCaution says he plans on waving a lot more than the record 17 times he flew back in May 2009, just so he gets as many looks inside the #10 car this weekend as possible. Flag says that if she wasnt doing double duty this weekend, "that sexy G0Daddy girl would definitely be my honorary waver".  Sorry, Flag, pretty sure she prefers the United States Flag,, at least on her lower back.

@In_CarCamera says he needs plenty of Rain-X Defogger this week for the Cup race as well as the Nationwide race to keep his lenses clear. Cam needs to settle down because NASCAR is installing a special swivel limiter similar to the ignition rev chip, that will prohibit excessive driver images through out this weeks race, its set to an extremely low point especially in the #7 NNS car and the #10 Cup car. 

@NASCAR_EFI has repeatedly stated he can not cause flooding problems. Yet in a strange turn of events, Effy has flooded the Twitter time line this week with youtube videos, especially directed toward race winner, @keselowski.  We're hearing administrators may disconnect Effy's Twitter Position Sensor from his throttle body if the problem persists. I wonder who Effy's working with on that, maybe @TheClutchForkFingers

@The_GreenFlag may have to take this week off, with a substitute on the flag stand. Sounds like Green invested in the same company as @JenJoCobb, Menage Tan, and now has a no orange, no streak tan that will last for 5-10 days. Heard Green actually turned golden bronze in about 5 minutes. Well, nice product JenJo, silly move Green. 

@acheckeredflag is currently in negotiations with ISC for an increase in pay. After seeing driver earnings at Talladega, Chex feels it only fair for the increase. Chex noted that the #98 team earned about $39,000 dollars per lap for running 2 laps and then parking. ISC officials have countered saying Chex obviously cant work longer hours, or waves, and suggests He work with winning drivers to share their earnings, or refuse to ride with the winner on a victory lap.

I sat down with @TheOrangeCone after his terrible day at Talladega during the Nationwide race. He told me he was fine after the incident, I sensed he wasn't. He told me, "Tom, I'm fine, I just cant believe all these Objects tweeting about arms, legs, mouths, eating, drinking and all kinds of other animate things when they know they dont have 'em.  And some of  'em tweet pics of kids and family who dont look anything like 'em. Tom, I'd shake my head like @jim_utter, but ya can see I dont have one. Shakin my damn Cone"

 @48Horseshoe said after Talladega "laughter burns calories".  Not sure what you meant there Shoe, cause you like like you are ready for a Clydesdale fitting, especially after all the cryin' you must of been doing after Talladega and another crazy 48 finish. C'mon man, time to shine. We're laughin' at you, not with you, Just Sayin'...

@TheMini_Jimmie says he used to wake up feeling like a million bucks, now it's more like a bounced check. Well, MJ, the world is a tuxedo and you're runnin' like a pair of brown shoes also. You know you have 6 top 5's and 9 top 10's in 13 races here, so quit your whinin' and let's see a little back seat drivers support and push on the Maxi-J.

@DaleJr_Beard Quote: "See y'all next year". 

- Compiled from Twitter

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