Tuesday, March 27, 2012

NASCAR Inanimate Objects Martinsville Preview

@MartvilleHotDog This weekend, Martinsville will dole out an estimated 50,000 of these bright red meat snacks, starting as early as 8 a.m. Hot dogs for breakfast? And for only a couple bucks? Must be a true NASCAR fan if you've sampled one of these delicacies, congrats!  Dog is not worried about being eliminated any time soon, he's like the Loaves and Fishes in the Bible, reproduces early and often, kinda like voting in Chicago also. Now just remember, Dog, try to keep the wrapper on, otherwise your 2 buddies will get all the attention, Debri and Caution, oh and that other startup, Green,,whats his name?

@TheNascarGarage informed I'm Just Sayin' today that he is thrilled with the new All Star Race format. Garage says that with cars racing for position in the first four segments, his inanimate pals Wreck and Caution should provide Garage with plenty of miserable drivers to talk to after each segment. Garage is preparing for a similiar fiasco this weekend at Martinsville and has assured us there will be plenty of Tums, Pepto Bismol and Goody's Headache Powder at both events. Garage also asks all cars, if they are leaking any bodily fluids, to please do so outside the convenient confines of his stalls, unlike a certain 10th place finisher last week at Fontana, hint, hint Maxi Chad!

@TheOrangeCone Congrats to Cone for being named to mashable's 10 Best Inanimate Objects on Twitter list. We're hearing it was because of the "Just for Cone" he used to get rid of black streaks left over from @KyleBusch at Vegas. Cone will be sporting a slightly different scheme at Martinsville as he adorns himself with a shade of orange more closely resembling the color of the infamous HotDog at the track. Cone asks all in attendance at the track to refrain from offering him a Dog, since some condiments may clash with his coloring, he also has "no arms, hands or mouth" and they also give him indigestion.

@In_CarCamera says it has a new mount with a lubricant that is "smoother than a prom queen's thighs".  Well, Cam you're going to need it at Martinsville, because with all the swiveling you'll be doing Sunday, you're going to need more than the 4 adjustments they made to Peyton Manning's neck and TV may ban you like they did the Hound Dog Man,,that's Elvis for you fetuses.

@TheCatchFence Fence is happy to be heading to Martinsville this week due to a slight decrease in banking as opposed to Auto Club Speedway. Fence says the 12 degrees at Martinsville is much easier on his posts as well as his tie wires. It also makes it easier if Tony wins again and decides to do "The Climb". Fence was concerned about his appearance heading to Martinsville after the rain in Fontana, but has indicated he's as galvanized as ever. Heard he got heavily"galvanized"riding back in the NASCAR Hauler sipping WD40,,I'm just sayin'...

@TheMiniChad Not sure what Mini was doing with EddieGossage at Texas Motor Speedway on Wednesday, but Maxi Chad was not invited. Hearing rumors Mini is upset he didnt make the trip on the Team Hendrick plane to California. We had a great time at Mini's BBQ's this week, glad he's still intact after that little flare up between he and WeberGrille. Heading to the track where "Virginia is for Lovers" both MC guys are focused on just one thing, increasing their followers,, oops, Maxi isnt on Twitter so I guess the focus is on a victory for @JimmieJohnson.

@TheNASCARHauler enjoyed a wonderful hauler parade at Fontana with all his relatives and after an uneventful week at the track made a safe trip back east accompanied the #5 and #14 cars. Hauler says "that #14 is a party chassis, kept us up all night, he sure can put away the E15". The #5 was more subdued, just happy to move up 7 spots to 27th in owners points. Hauler is a little scratched up from those pesky "C" posts he had a for a while and is glad to be free of them. He says they were a little oversized to be hauling around. Hauler is revitalized though and resting, getting ready to be inundated by visits from disgruntled drivers, owners and crew chiefs at Martinsville. 

@DebriInTurn4 After being absolutely nonexistent during the last 2 races, Debri is being considered for the Inanimate practice squad. Deb has confirmed to Just Sayin that his heart and junk are truly in his job and intends to put on "the show of his life" at Martinsville. Deb says he will team with @MartvilleHotDog and its associate wrappers to make sure that he slows down the race and bunches up the field as often as possible. Deb has apologized in advance to all engine builders for any problems he may create this weekend due to overheating.

@FlagofCaution was unfairly accused of being "yellow" or scared the past 2 weekends after only showing itself 5 times at Bristol and once at Fontana. Flag is flaming hot and says with the help of its inanimate friends, Debris, Wreck and Wrapper, he fully intends to fly much more than the record 19 times he flew at Martinsville back in October, 2005. 

@NASCAR_EFI has recommended all team use brand new knock sensors and temperature sensors at Martinsville, not in the engines, but in the drivers. Effy says these guys need to know just how hard the "ol' chrome horn" is being used and how HOT under the collar they're getting. The mass air flow sensor is sure to get a work out this weekend and Effy says "drivers need to leave their feelings and attitudes outside the track". Good call Effy!

@acheckeredflag Chex is a little depressed after his trip out west. Never got a shout out or even 1 second of TV time at Fontana. He especially missed riding around in the winning race car with Tony Stewart. Not to worry Chex, this week there will be no rain to dampen your spirit and you'll fly as always when the winner crosses the finish line. Nascar officials have been informed to hand you to the winning driver, none of this tossing you down from the flag stand.

@The_GreenFlag says it's so upset that it got to wave only one time at Fontana that it may boycott Martinsville. After laying down with its close friend FlagofCaution and discussing the situation, Green has said he will proudly fly "a bunch of times after Caution" this weekend. Green says he is cheering for all the green sponsored cars this weekend, especially "that crazy AMP car" 

@48Horseshoe has promised all NASCAR fans a special treat at Martinsville Speedway this week. Shoe says he will actually appear in Victory Lane with #DaleJr after physically removing himself from @JimmieJohnson's ass immediately following the race this Sunday, April 1st. Oh, wait a minute, haha, very funny, April Fools to you to Shoe. #SMDH

Compiled from Twitter

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