Wednesday, April 18, 2012

NASCAR Twitter InAnimate Object Kansas Preview

Hey, @InfieldGrass tell your boys not to mulch you again this week at Kansas. Last week your swirling blades were all over the grilles by lap 14, C'mon, bag it baby, what are You trying to do, keep up with  @DebriInTurn4. Oh wait, Debris was complaining at Texas, said he couldnt stay on track due to all the wind and only got called out twice last week.

@TheMini_Jimmie has apparently asked @DaleJr_Beard for a few clippings to make himself more realistic looking this week at Kansas. Beard declined but mentioned that Dale's gal pal Amy has a new dark hair look and may be able to accommodate with a few locks. Pretty sure Beard was referring to head hair, right Beard?

@TheNascarGarage has recommended all teams turn off all radios and CD players this Saturday at Noon et. At that time the Garages public address system will honor the late Dick Clark by playing the theme from American Bandstand. Garage also recommends white bobby socks and penny loafers for all team members. Dancing is also encouraged during Garages "sock hop". RIP Mr. Clark!

@TheOrangeCone had quite a trip to Kansas, strapped to the top of the same 747 that transported the Space Shuttle to Washington. Upon arriving at the track he was also treated to an authentic Aussie breakfast by Marcos Ambrose, vegemite and Foster's. Hearing the Fosters went down the hole easily, but not "that damn sticky vegemite" as Cone put it. Speaking of sticky, Cone says he's looking forward to the Kansas repave, says new asphalt has a lot of grip, even for the Cone.

@The_BlackFlag asked for a shout out before Kansas. Dude for what, you haven't done anything all year, you cant even keep Reutimann off the track for 3 simple laps. I better see some improvement from you at Kansas, and it better not be against the #88 team or no spray starch for you.

@TheCatchFence is complaining he's "dissatisfied and disappointed" with boring races so far this year. Careful what you wish for Fency, JPM may be all over you,, or worse knock a @NASCARJetDryer in to you at Kansas this week. Sounds like Fency is just jealous of his cousin White House Fence, who got to oversee the Nascar drivers on Tuesday. Dont get your links all in a wad, Catchy!

@TheMiniChad has applied for the job of crew chief at the newly formed alliance between RAB Racing and MWR. Mini will still be with HMS at Kansas since Michael Waltrip told Mini, "We have enough cheaters over here, "ME", did you forget about the additive in the intakes at Daytona a few years ago." 

@TheNASCARHauler Hauler says he's been bored all season. He's getting tired of hauling cars back to the R+D Center every week, but not seeing any drivers. Hauler intends to mandate jock straps laced with BENGAY for all Cup drivers. He's pretty sure that will fire up the drivers and get a few to his unfriendly confines. 

@FlagofCaution is hot after Texas, says teams, Debris and fluid didnt do their jobs to let Yellow fly. Yellow says he will do everything in his polyester power to fly as many as 13 unlucky times just like back in September, 2001 for 70 slow laps. With all those cautions  @keselowski and @In_CarCamera should have a field day with tweet pics, huh!

@NASCAR_EFI will be under a lot of scrutiny at Kansas, mostly because @keselowski has threatened to tweet all pictures of failures under the hood by Effy. Brad is not a fan of Effy and seems to blame him for a bad run last week. Effy says Brad needs to stick to tweeting pics of the White House, then, get in, sit tight and race the EFI'n, car. Wow, is this race in Dodge City cause it'll be a shootout OK!

 @The_GreenFlag also hopes for a bunch of cautions at Kansas. GF says that besides waving to start the race, he intends to wave so many times, the flag man wont have to go to the gym to workout for at least a month. GF says if he doesnt get waved a lot during the race, he intends to meet with all the media type folks and find out why there arent as many cautions this year. Well, just so you know Flag, they've been discussing that all week.

@acheckeredflag says he's just happy to make his 13th appearance at Kansas. Chex says he hopes he doesnt have to share the finish line flag stand with Yellow under caution like back in 2007.  Chex says that was like, "this one time, at flag camp, I",, whoa, never mind Chex!

So, I noticed @48Horseshoe also made a trip to the White House with Double J this week on Tuesday. What, did you all think that bulge in the back of Jimmies pants was an illegal C-pillar. Nope, just old Shoe stuck up Jimmies posterior again. Actually a picture shows that Tony pointed it out to the President and they both got a good laugh. 

Compiled from Twitter

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